March 2012
“when one door closes, another one opens”
imagine how annoying it would be if that were true
you close the bathroom door to pee and your front door suddenly blows open
your cat escapes
you run out and jump into the car to chase the cat and hear everything falling out of your over-stuffed pantry as its door unlatches
February 2012
literallysame:
so glad I never did the cinnamon challenge
czar-nicholas:
FAP: Fasting, Abstinence, Prayer <3
1 tag
Watch
3 tags
lliampayne:
idc that george clooney’s like 50 he could get it anytime
gothbaby:
if I like you you’re not allowed to talk to anyone but me
“Everybody says sex is obscene. The only true obscenity is war.”
– Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer (via philphys)
me: did it hurt?
mom: what
me: when you blew through the earth, emerging from hell
mom:
bastardfromabasket:
i hate it when i forget to turn off my caps lock when i google something and now my google searches all look like i’m really passionate about finding out how late taco bell is open.
“Let food cool 5 minutes before eating.”
commanderinqueef:
how i computer with internet
christians: 1
atheists: 0
tittyminaj:
Bringing myspace back is hard work but someone’s gotta do it
remons:
quick let me delete that post before everyone on this website freaks out and attacks me with their unbelievably funny and witty comments
afternoonsnoozebutton:
sinidentidades:
What if I wear a short skirt and a pair of sneakers?
What then, Taylor?
Taylor.
Hey.
What then?
You just broke Taylor.
doctordude:
i miss my twenty acres
barbecues and pecan pies oh why
when i’m so far from you texas
all i can do is cry
ewrecktion:
wibbleywobblytimeywimy:
ewrecktion:
STACY’S MOM has got it going on
Stacy’s mom is getting arrested for statuatory rape
Stacy’s dad is filing for divorce
Stacy is struggling with depression
^ Stacy’s dad walked out on them, stupid fuck. “Since your dad walked out your mom could use a guy like me”
I can’t believe someone who knows the lyrics to Stacy’s Mom by heart just...
silverhelmedmockingbird:
abc family should change their name to “we play harry fucking potter whenever we want to so sit down shut up and watch it with your family”
wvnderbar:
more sad news from hollywood today: rapper pitbull was found alive in his apartment earlier this morning by a family member
Math teacher: Would you like to tell us what the Pythagorean theorem is?
Me: It's in my fucking FAQ you fag go read it
tyra banks: 10 beautiful ladies stand before me
tyra banks: but i only have nine pictures in my hands
tyra banks: and they're all of me
tyra banks: lol
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
gordonramsaypoetry:
oh my god where’s the risotto? useless.