February 2012
lliampayne:
idc that george clooney’s like 50 he could get it anytime
gothbaby:
if I like you you’re not allowed to talk to anyone but me
“Everybody says sex is obscene. The only true obscenity is war.”
– Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer (via philphys)
me: did it hurt?
mom: what
me: when you blew through the earth, emerging from hell
mom:
bastardfromabasket:
i hate it when i forget to turn off my caps lock when i google something and now my google searches all look like i’m really passionate about finding out how late taco bell is open.
“Let food cool 5 minutes before eating.”
commanderinqueef:
how i computer with internet
christians: 1
atheists: 0
tittyminaj:
Bringing myspace back is hard work but someone’s gotta do it
remons:
quick let me delete that post before everyone on this website freaks out and attacks me with their unbelievably funny and witty comments
afternoonsnoozebutton:
sinidentidades:
What if I wear a short skirt and a pair of sneakers?
What then, Taylor?
Taylor.
Hey.
What then?
You just broke Taylor.
doctordude:
i miss my twenty acres
barbecues and pecan pies oh why
when i’m so far from you texas
all i can do is cry
ewrecktion:
wibbleywobblytimeywimy:
ewrecktion:
STACY’S MOM has got it going on
Stacy’s mom is getting arrested for statuatory rape
Stacy’s dad is filing for divorce
Stacy is struggling with depression
^ Stacy’s dad walked out on them, stupid fuck. “Since your dad walked out your mom could use a guy like me”
I can’t believe someone who knows the lyrics to Stacy’s Mom by heart just...
silverhelmedmockingbird:
abc family should change their name to “we play harry fucking potter whenever we want to so sit down shut up and watch it with your family”
wvnderbar:
more sad news from hollywood today: rapper pitbull was found alive in his apartment earlier this morning by a family member
Math teacher: Would you like to tell us what the Pythagorean theorem is?
Me: It's in my fucking FAQ you fag go read it
tyra banks: 10 beautiful ladies stand before me
tyra banks: but i only have nine pictures in my hands
tyra banks: and they're all of me
tyra banks: lol
A Gordon Ramsay Poem
gordonramsaypoetry:
oh my god where’s the risotto? useless.
showmeyourcolors:
joshishollywood:
The funniest anti-abortion argument is “what if you were aborted”
How the hell would anyone have anything even vaguely resembling a concept of what that would be like
wow rude i was aborted once
